▾ Working with the steps
• practicing the form, you learn the spaciousness of the form
• so you have confidence to see how things might unfold
• All the steps are about moving out of Dualistic toward Unified consciousness.
• The Misconception is the ROOT of the dualistic thinking in the problem area.
• from the New Age Marriage: this is the process of spiritualizing matter and materializing spirit
▾ THE STEPS
▾ 1. Beautiful Problem
• The jewel for growth – the opportunity to wake up!
• It’s your HS saying “look at this work on this”
▾ 2. Either/or LIFE/DEATH connection
• Where I’m right and you’re wrong because wrong feels like death
• we built a case because (unconscious) if we give into that other person, we’ll die
• – step into feeling the extreme duality underneath the problem.
• The dualistic perspective of the conflict
▾ 3. Experience the ER
• Nobody’s ever all right or all wrong
• The goal here is to accept that.
• So we look at the difference between a feeling and an Emotional Reaction
• to be able to ask “what is the deeper truth of the matter” is the key to recognizing there is a deeper truth in the other.
• ER is very narrow
▾ 4. Name the MISCONCEPTION
• Name the problem, seeing it as an opportunity for growth, you’re identifying the details
• Guide: observe our process, be with it and name it
• Name the wrong conclusion about life that is bringing you unhappiness and confusion
▾ 5. Forcing Current
• identify the place where you’re trying to force your way to be right
• a need to be happy, a need to be loved, get the thing you want in life
▾ The methods:
• Aggression (will)
• Submission (emotion)
• Withdrawal (intellect)
• These are an impulse, automatic reflex
• So we’re learning to identify something that seems to be beyond our control
▾ 6. IMAGE
▾ 7. NEGATIVE PLEASURE PRINCIPLE
• the earliest defense
• creates conflict between conscious and unconscious desires
• very hard to face – that we’d attract negative pleasure in our lives
• in trauma in childhood, a child cannot survive the suffering so they figure out how to attach (negative) pleasure to the trauma including sexuality
• Working with Shame and Pride
• Move into the Shame as a gateway to healing
▾ try to come into a place of Soft Pain around this guilt and suffering
• Maybe make a list of what positive pleasure in this area would be like
• Your conscious intent is crossed by the negative pleasure principle and it creates stuckness/tension
• The Goal: to dissolve the negative pleasure principle and attach to real pleasure
• You have to build your capacity for positive pleasure and abundance
• abundance creates abundance
• deprivation and poverty create deprivation and poverty
▾ 8. Connect your DEFENSES against pain in the present and the RECREATION OF YOUR CHILDHOOD HURTS
▾ What are the difficult patterns in your life?
• In this moment, what are you conflicts?
• Does the feeling you have today remind you of your childhood?
• – whatever conflicts you are having today, are the same conflicts from your childhood one and the same feeling
• – usually it’s a feeling and an Emotional Reaction
• Name the Childhood Hurt
• Realize where you are not willing to feel the pain of the childhood hurt
• Support them to feel that pain
• The defense against feeling this pain creates hard pain, which helps create the pattern as the real self tries to resolve that hurt and unconsciously the Child Consciousness is trying to defeat that circumstance
• If you feel like your partner would get you, all your wounds would heal (they would heal you), then you’re attracting the same level and quality of immaturity that your parents had – which doesn’t know how to negotiate and heal this place, which is just going to recreate this situation all over again
• This is a huge loss. They need to start feeling the loss of their childhood.
• They’re going to heal by feeling the pain of the childhood loss
▾ then learning about what it would feel like if it did exist in their life
• opening up to this brings more pain
▾ Help the worker feel self-acknowledged, have the capacity to hold themselves
• if you fight against this, you stay stuck there and don’t heal.
▾ 9. Feel the Similarity of the hurt and your unmet need
• Connect the feeling of the current hurt and connect it to the hurt of the childhood
• You’re recreated the same feeling situation as the thing that created your childhood hurt
• You’ve attracted someone on the low energy level of the often parent, but you’re expecting them to mature or expecting to mature them to meet your needs and heal you
• Instead, look inside yourself to find the connection between your current need and your childhood need, and get support for feeling the loss of those unmet needs in your childhood
• There’s pain underneath these unmet needs
• We need to educate ourselves as to who is a mature person who can help you meet these needs as an adult
• You have to really want to know about emotional maturity – it’s rare here